Talking with Your Health Care Provider

Often times we are reluctant to bring the topic of sex up at appointments with our health care providers. Many of us have been taught to keep talk about sex private and, as a result, become embarrassed by discussing any sexual concerns we may have. Additionally, many people believe that their health care provider does not care about their sexual health and feel reluctant to bring it up as they believe it may make the doctor uncomfortable.  It can be helpful to remember that health care providers see many patients and the likelihood is you are not the only one to have had this problem. If you find it difficult to start a conversation about sexual concerns with your health care provider, here are some tips that may help.

• Make a list of concerns and questions about sexual functioning before your appointment with your doctor
• Try to identify what kinds of problems you are experiencing and their frequency in advance of your appointment
  • Desire (thoughts, fantasies, motivation for sex/masturbation)
  • Arousal (excitement/lubrication/erections)
  • Orgasm
  • Relationship issues
• Consider speaking with your therapist or counselor first as they may be able to help you formulate a plan for starting the conversation
• Practice what you will say in advance, try to be as direct and specific as possible
• Ask if your sexual concerns may be related to medication side effects and if so, are there any remedies or different medications which may not have this side effect?
• Bring your partner with you to an appointment so that they can assist you in bringing up the concern
• Print out the results of your screening questionnaire and share them with your provider (questionnaire for men (PDF)) (questionnaire for women (PDF))
• If you feel your provider may be judgmental or negative, consider starting the conversation by saying, “I have a personal concern that I would like to talk to you about” or “This is awkward for me to say, but…” This helps give the provider a sense that they need to respond more carefully than they may have otherwise.
• If you feel your provider has responded in a judgmental or hurtful way, express this concern. If it is not addressed to your satisfaction, you may want to seek out a new provider.