Trigger warning: suicidal ideation, domestic violence, loss of loved ones
Neville envisions his mind as a shelved room. In his early life, unable to cope with the chaos in his life, he packed things into boxes and put them on the shelves to collect dust so he could forget. In the midst of his mental health crisis, though, everything stocked on those shelves began to tumble down on top of him. Now, with the support of the community he has found through DBSA support groups, he is unpacking those boxes and processing their contents so that he can approach life with hope, resilience, and understanding.
“When I started joining DBSA support groups, it was like they were taking the boxes from the shelves on my behalf,” Neville said. “Someone would tell a story and one of my own boxes was labeled with exactly what they were talking about. It helped me start to unpack by just listening.”
Neville, 28, was born in Kenya, the second youngest of five children. From an early age, he felt like an outsider—he faced bullying due to a stammer and found it difficult to connect with his peers.
“Growing up in a typical African home, there are things you don’t say,” Neville said. “My parents wanted the best for me, but I was so afraid of coming to them with my biggest worries, my biggest pains, my biggest concerns. If you say you’re depressed, people think you’re mad or crazy or need to be hospitalized.”
As Neville grew older, domestic violence at home exacerbated his feelings of isolation and worry. He felt responsible for protecting his younger sister, who was left at home when Neville went away to school.
“During that time, I discovered that I’d been going through so much in life and feeling alone, and I’d been diverting that energy into taking care of someone else,” Neville said.
While Neville was at university, his sister grew ill and in a short span of time passed away. Without his primary confidante, Neville felt unanchored and took time off from school. This caused a huge rift with his parents, and his mental health issues reached a crisis point.
“My mind and heart were so full, and I couldn’t think correctly,” Neville said. “At that point I’d gotten so tired of everything and was feeling suicidal. I felt like not being here was better than having to deal with everything.”
Neville said that at his lowest point, in a final attempt to find a way to live, he googled “I want to die, I want to kill myself,” and one of the first results of his search was DBSA.
Locked in his room, Neville began to join DBSA online support groups around the clock. At first, he was not confident speaking or having his camera on, but he said that simply listening helped him tremendously.
“I started to get my confidence back after I’d lost it completely,” Neville said. “The groups are not a place people come to feel bad together. It’s a place where people share and remind you that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel these things, but there is hope.”
Neville has continued to join and participate in DBSA support groups since then. He loves the flexible schedule, and that he can find a meeting to join whenever he needs it. His relationship with his parents has improved dramatically, and he has even found the courage to start individual therapy.
“Trust me that there’s someone here who understands you,” Neville said. “There are people who hear you and hear the noise in your head, even if you’re not ready to tell them. DBSA support groups are to talk about those things, not so that people can judge you or use you as part of a statistic, but because they know you exist. They believe you and believe in you.”
